Friday, December 23, 2011

Catch Me up!

I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve last sat down and typed something up. I think I’ve been too busy with this thing called life, or work, or a version of it to take time out from it…sounds all too familiar. Things have been nothing short of crazy. My many apologies for going through the motions without taking 10 minutes to understand and share something concrete, something real, with myself and the world. Here we go again…

Since I have no internet and can’t actually remember when or about what I wrote last, I’ll go off of what I want to. So November is over and it is now December…holy moly, did that actually happen? November was good to me—I was healthy, busy, and I think I might have gone ziplining in Mindo at some point. It was cool, check out my facebook for some pictures, particularly the one of me upside down ziplining. It looks wildly inappropriate, but it was a bit of a rush being that high up over nothing but trees on a rope. On one of my zips, I was being a wise allac and decided to flip upside down on my own. It was all good fun until my jeans got caught in the pulley and I slowed down. Luckily I made it to the other side. It was a long zip!

Oh yeah, I also turned 24 in November, which was a lot of fun. My birthday was on a Wednesday so since I didn’t want to go out, we got a bunch of wine, crackers, cheese, and chocolate (all of my favorite vices) and got dressed up, had a fire, and relaxed. It was really enjoyable and I think was the first time I started to feel really comfortable with the people I am volunteering with. Not that I didn’t before, but it takes me a bit to really warm up to people. I still haven’t been able to pin down why this is, but I think I just like to listen people talk about themselves and their lives before I share too much about mine. That sounds ridiculous, and it is, but that’s the way it is I guess. I will say that I was up til 3am with one of the volunteers finishing the wine and whatever we could find in the house. It felt good to just talk to someone about whatever we felt like. Needless to say, the next day I was exhausted, but was pleasantly surprised when my special ed class surprised me with a party—cake, chips, soda, it was cute. They all individually gave me a hug and wished me many more years, and Alex, my challenge, also expressed his gratitude for my patience and for working with him. That never gets old.

24. It’s crazy to swallow. It’s funny, you know. When I was little, or even a few years ago, I had so many dreams and plans for 24. I think I was supposed to be engaged or working in some high powered job in some big city. I was supposed to have it all. The funny thing is that I do, it’s just none of that. I think I came out with the better end of the deal. I think at some point I realized it wasn’t what I wanted for my life so I needed to change that. And here we are.

In that same understanding, I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if I had never left. I’m so happy here, I just wonder if I will find this same happiness outside of the center. That has really been scaring me a lot lately—finding happiness outside of the unconditional love of these kids, the cookie things that happen on a daily basis, a constant and deeper appreciation and understanding of self and circumstance based on my surroundings. In the same vain, it makes me terrified to come back to the states, to buffalo, to dc, to anywhere where I am not constantly challenged as I am here. I suppose challenge comes for a variety of places, people, circumstance, happenstance, job, family, friends, etc., I’ve just never know the same type of challenge anywhere else and I’d hate to lose touch of such a deeper part of me by being a robot in some dead end job stuck in the same place. It seems like the trick is finding the challenge and holding onto it until a new one comes along…I’m just waiting for some revelation that points me in the right direction.

So back to concrete and real things…that’s the point of this, isn’t it?

December has been an absolute bang so far: Fiestas of Quito, the Center’s birthday, bull fight, soccer game, summiting a 15000ft volcano in the rain…it was all very Latin American. I’m trying to put it all together in my head, so here I’ll give it a go.

 Friday of the Fiestas, Dec 2, I think I went out for a bit, decided around 1230 once I was out that I didn’t want to do the same thing in the same place for the millionth time in a row (watching people smoke hookah for a while, drinking $2 mojitoes, going to the same club to dance, avoiding others because they’ve been soured by others, lord), and went home early with David. Unfortunately, since everyone and their mother was out, it was hard getting a cab home cheap. I think we ended up paying 7 which by Quito standards is pricy. Same cab home in dc? About 35 bones I would say.

Saturday we went to the bullfight around noon which was fun—they don’t kill the bull in Ecuador, so it was interesting, but my second bullfight of the year nonetheless. Never thought I would say that! One in Madrid and one in Quito—that’s absurd! Anyway, the sangria was cheap and the weather was good, so I couldn’t ask for much more. It was interesting to note the wealth discrepancy from our kids to the people with their Panama hats, sweaters tied over their shoulders…it was the Ecuadorian Kentucky Derby, but since these things happen so infrequently anymore, its hard get on anyone’s case…it was a special occasion!! In the afternoon me and a handful of the other volunteers went to La Marin to decorate for the Center’s birthday that following Monday. It was fun, a bit tiring after the sangria, but nothing a 1.50 sandwich didn’t cure. I stayed in that night because I had plans to hike Pichincha the following day with Kristin, Meredith, Julie, and Andy.

So Sunday the five of us took the teleferico up the side of Pichincha (sleeping volcano in Quito) and we hiked the rest of the way up to the summit. It was challenging, particularly at first, just adjusting to the altitude. Quito is at about 9000 ft, but even with that advantage, I felt a little nauseous from the altitude. Once we got more adjusted to the lack of oxygen up there and the clouds passed a bit, it was much more enjoyable. The views were spectacular on our way up despite the not so fantastic weather and we all had a good time together. About 2 hours in, it started to get really cloudy and the path up was becoming more blurred. We stopped to rest to reevaluate our situation and we just so happen to come across 2 Americans who work for the state dept down here who were summiting it. They told us we could tag along, and so we did just that. They were really cool and later gave us their email because they do various hikes all the time. When we got to the top, we really couldn’t see a thing it was so cloudy, but we were so happy after rock climbing the last 100meters or so to be at the top we didn’t care too much, I enjoyed possibly the best pb&j sandwich I have ever made in my life at the top. We didn’t stay long because it started to rain a bit. On our way down, after the rocks, 
we pretty much skied down the sand, which made things go much quicker.


Alright, so I keep coming and back to this entry. I keep going and then try to stop to write, but this month has really been a ride that’s impossible to get off. So since I summited Pinchincha, things have been less exciting. I’ve been sick for the most part and therefore spent the past 2 weekend in my pajamas and exchanged the alcohol in a glass for the trace amounts in whatever cold medicine I’ve been taking. The “gripe” I’ve been so plagued with has been relentless until just about yesterday when I gave in and went to the doctor. She wrote me a script for a 2.45 drug (by this point I was willing to drink acid if it meant I would be better), and within hours I started feeling better. My body temperature was all sorts of crazy for about 4 days before this. I would go from cold sweats to dripping in sweat from being warm in the matter of minutes. Luckily, this has subsided and I finally feel some sort of strength in my legs. My throat is still pretty dry, but again, I have finally found the road to recovery.

Well, I guess it hasn’t been all bed and teaching…the burdensome life of a volunteer does come with its kicks. Last weekend Friday we had a half day because we had a staff party in the afternoon at La Marin. Of course, since we work for food, we were ousted from the center’s transportation downtown and made our way by bus after a short morning , for me in special ed. Anyway, they had a nice lunch for us, cake, ice cream, and a box of wine on the tables for us. Unfortunately, it takes more than one box to satisfy thirsty volunteers, so the sneakier ones found their way back to the bodega for a little more merrymaking while we played bingo. There was also a short scavenger hunt which I of course partook in. It was a nice party, but the ride home in traffic (normally 45 min) took an hour and a half on a small van-bus built for Ecuadorian sized people. Needless to say, my neck was sore from scrouching a bit since I gave my seat up to an elderly employee.

Saturday was not much of a Saturday in that there was little time for rest. We had to be downtown once again for 10am mass where the 1st graders “gave their hearts to Jesus” and thereafter we handed out the bultos. This all supposedly began because the second graders make their first confession and get a small gift, and the gift part supposedly upset the first graders, thus, they get dressed up, put their face on a heart, and give their heart to Jesus for a gift. It was pretty adorable nonetheless. Afterward, we gave out the large bags filled with the donated goods following. Since I don’t know any of the families at La Marin, I was much more excited to give out the bags at Cotocoallo. One of my bath boys, Richard, knew I had packed his family’s and gave me a big hug the next day when he saw all the stuff I packed for him (pants, nice shoes(he always wears dress shoes and a button down). He said he was going to wear the stuff the next week to show me, which he did. I’m glad he found them useful! Anywho, Jean Pierre was there with his family who I absolutely adore. He insisted that I hold him while this huge production was going on, and therefore got in trouble by Rudulfo when I had to go on stage to get the bags down. He has no sense of fear, this kid, so it didn’t phase him too much.  

Sunday was another good day. We were invited by Maria (one of our cooks) to her house for lunch. This was fun because it was not only us, but also her whole family, including her daughter, Ana, and granddaughter, Michele, who are both in my classes, so that was fun. They had chicken, salchipapas, salad (maria knows us ahha, this is not ecua by any standard!), and in true fashion, chocolate cake. This was an extravagant lunch, for sure, for them, and for us too! It was a nice day and they were cooking the food outside on a grill and her house is high enough for a nice view of the city.

In the afternoon I took my bath kids on a paseo (minus one who didn’t show up). Where we went you ask? Well, after my slew of awesome suggestions, most of which included a bit of a trek, the 3 kids decided what they really wanted was Domino’s and KFC. The last time I had domino’s was through bullet proof glass in Brookland at CUA when boli’s was closed, and I have never, EVER had or even been inside a KFC before that. I told that to Richard who wanted to go there since he doesn’t like pizza and he didn’t believe me. It was an experience. The kids were really funny about ordering and eating food, but I made sure that we ordered enough so that they all had a bit to bring home for their family’s, as this is a bit of a treat. Anyway, it was fun.

This past Tuesday was the daycare’s Christmas program. It was the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my life. A lot of my adults and the family’s I know from baths had little ones (4 and under) in the program and wanted me to take pictures of their children, which I was happy to do. There was a nativity reenactment, traditional dancing, dancing, and just adorableness, really. Jean Pierre was deceivingly dressed as an angel. Afterward, all the kids received a gift from these 5 woman who buy them gifts every year. It was a really big deal for them. After when I saw my little man (jean pierre), he had me take off his angel wings, then gave me a big hug and insisted I pick him up as we walked out. His dad started to call for him to leave, but he wouldn’t. I eventually convinced him he had to get down. Before he trotted off when I put him down, he jumped back into my arms and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Really, who needs a boyfriend when you get love like that? I wish I could explain how awesome this kid is in words, or how cute he is, or the sound of his voice when he says your name, but all I can say is that there’s nothing greater than that sound.

In all, this week has been very very long, probably because my mind hasn’t been too busy since we’ve only been minimally working in classes (tests, review, parties, movies, programs, etc), so I have time to let me brain wander off. But we did play soccer in my English class today, so that is always a good time.

Wow, okay, that was exhausting and I’m glad I’m back in real time. So real time tells me it’s December 23nd, 2011. But how can that be? Didn’t 2011 just start? It seems like it. This year has been riddled with events: graduated from college, quit a job for the first time, said goodbye to my friends in DC (with a wicked month long send off!), went to Spain and visited London/Clarissa with Barbara, and moved to Ecuador to volunteer for a year, blind as a bat as to what I was actually getting myself into. Not a bad way to pass the time, I’d say! With everything that has went on this past year, I wish I could say I came out of it at the end with a little more clarity, a little more direction, but this would be completely false. I spend most of my mental free time preoccupied by what’s next. What’s next, what’s next. Damn. Can’t someone just tell me?
One of my closest friends recently asked me how it do it: just up and leave for a program in Ecuador without knowing a soul, with no present, previously known support system, no boyfriend, no family, no friends. To this I gave her my, “well I still have friends, they are just far away, and I’ve never found reason to invest substantial time in a boyfriend” reply. But truthfully, what I do  know for sure is how good it feels to be here every day: to hear the sound of 40 different kids shouting hello to you from across the courtyard even when you don’t see them; to feel the unconditional love of a child when they hug you (whether they do it every day or when something special happens); to know that it’s not necessarily what you are teaching your kids in the classroom that matters, but your presence in their lives so they know that someone cares and someone believes that they can succeed; when you’re invited to lunch in the comedor after mass and kids fight over who you are going to sit with; when every kid comes up to you during the sign of peace to shake your hand;  when your kids know when you are sad or upset because you miss the normalcy of being at home in the states, and whatever they say to you makes you feel alright; when you buy a cookie for your students just because and they light up like it’s Christmas morning; when your worst student sticks up for you when the rest are acting up; when you able to equalize in your mind the humanity of every person; when language doesn’t matter. These kids….these kids just get to you. Every morning, no matter how hard it is to get myself out of bed, I know I will be smiling, be happy, find some silver lining in whatever happens…and you know what…most of whatever I get upset about doesn’t matter. Everything is so insignificant compared to this list of reasons why I love it here. It’s these kids: they’ve crept their way in. 

Monday, November 14, 2011

Where do we go from here?

So it's the Sunday following my returning from my 4ish days in Cuenca. While I expected this past week to be a small piece of hell as I was exhausted after the adventure of the nite bus last Saturday night, it has turned out to be much better than expected. I got a decent amount of sleep before starting class on Monday and woke up excited to get back to class and my students. BELIEVE ME, they were the furthest thing from my mind when I woke up from my nap from 730am-230pm on Sunday afternoon, realizing I had no materials prepared for class that week minus a rough outline of my lesson plans.

On Monday, all the professors (actual teachers and staff) were curious to know my reaction to Cuenca. Really, if you visit it, it's a hard place to hate...beautiful architecture, a smaller city so easily navigable, less climbing up hills than in Quito, delicious food, friendly people (may have been due to the fiesta-ing!!), a bit of history, and plenty to do. In all, I was more impressed than I thought I was going to be. Not that I had low expectations, but really, it was my first trip outside of the relatively rough streets of Quito. I've been too much exposed to European cities so I'm happy to see how other parts of the world preserve their past, function in the present, and plan for the future. My favorite professor in colegio, Luis, who is this crazy old man and always greets me with a hug and a friendly kiss on the cheek, along with the inspector who I still can't remember his name even though I talk to him everyday..oops! were teasing me about my fiesta-ing and asked me how many hearts I brought back from Cuenca. I told them every single one, and of course they got a kick outa it. They also told me it was an Ecuadorian tradition to take off your clothes (mardi gras??) during the Fiestas of any city for their independence. They were teasing each other in good humor (making me a bit uncomfortable!) and of course teasing me as well. One of the other volunteers walked in mid conversation and I think was a bit confused. In general, these boundries are a bit blured here...maybe because it's a private institution, but probably because it's Latin America and I'm a pretty conservative American (at least when it comes to fiesta-ing!). I’m reminded of my Americanness every day in the way I react to people here--coworkers, other teachers, my Ecua-friends, etc. In Europe, I didn't feel quite the same separate way of living and looking at the world than I do here. Sure, its drastically different in Europe (they can't fathom gun control or the death penalty or not having universal social programs), but there’s something much more simple here that people understand about life. Maybe it’s just people at the Center, but there’s not so much clutter of stuff getting in the way. Again, might just be the amazing people I have the privilege to work with and serve as, quite honestly they don’t have the means to have the clutter, but I’ve met several people outside the center who’ve challenged my narrow way of looking at my life and the things I want to accomplish in life, which brings me to much deeper more complex questions that have been boggling my mind, particularly this past weekend.

I seem to come in and out of these little bouts of really trying to find what I want to do after this year. It may have something to do with the constant chatter around me of plans for jobs, grad schools, a second year, etc., but really I think it is because I feel better when I know things are planned so I know exactly what I need to do to get there. Perhaps I am this way because I lived day to day for a time in my life, never really knowing what a day would bring and only having the energy to take one task off my list at a time. Perhaps I am afraid I will disappoint my parents if I don’t find this passion I so actively seek. They have put so much faith in my grand dreams and given me so much love I can’t even explain it. Perhaps I am afraid I will disappoint myself, come shattering to pieces, and my fierce exterior will be revealed. Perhaps I am afraid I will never feel fulfilled after this year, want to stay forever, and miss out on everything in my family and friend’s lives back at home. Perhaps I am too afraid to commit to something selfish after this, realize ten years from now that it was the wrong decision, and live in regret. Am I overthinking this? Absolutely. Do I know how NOT to overthink anything? Absolutely not. All I know is that this year is changing me faster than I can even try to keep up with. My head, my heart, everything I believed about myself and about the world has shifted…for now, this change is slight, but it’s only November. I still have 8 months or so left. I’m terrified and excited to see what the next 8 months will bring out in me and the world.

I’ve also started having these crazy ideas in my head about God. I said it, GOD. I think I started ignoring organized religion and things I understood with perfect clarity in during my years in youth group my senior year of high school. Why this did not distract me from 4 years at the Catholic University of America is beyond me, but by that point, I needed to fulfill a yearning for a cosmopolitan and sophisticated way of living in Washington (plus a greater need to run as far as I could from Buffalo), so the terrifying angry Jesus or the chapels, crosses, nuns, priests, and God-Squad campus ministry didn’t deter me too much in this regard. Anyway, I guess I’m starting to reconsider, but hear me out. I’m starting to realize that living for myself the way I have been since that time is illogical, selfish, and unfulfilling. Perhaps this has a tie into this impossible dig I find myself pursuing, but I think that not living for myself as I am doing here (at least til the end of July 2012) is the first step in finding whatever answer I need that is haunting my waking moments.

I hope that clarity comes in the form of my dreams as this is the last thing I will think about before I close my eyes for the night. I always try to find a positive thought or feeling to dwell on before I fall asleep as I don’t like to go to bed angry or frustrated. To this, I will try to take to heart this terribly cheesy song I found on iTunes by Randy Houser…It’s called “In God’s Time.”

In God’s time a million years might only be a single day, and everything he does gets done in his own way, in God’s time;

In God’s time you’ll find that certain someone you’ve been praying for, and they’ll be everything you prayed for and a little more, In God’s time

Oh but no one knows not you or me, it might be tomorrow it might never be, oh but don’t lose faith, put it in his hands, cause it might be that he has a bigger plan that you had in mind, miracles happen In God’s time

In God’s time, you go to sleep and wake up with wings and learn to fly, and you’ll finally meet your loved ones on the other side, in God’s time.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Guess who's back, back again.....

First of all, I must apologize for really being awful at this. I was much better in Germany when I had my personal journal and my online blog. I think I will go back to that. My favorite thing I brought home from my time in Europe (besides my case of wine from various counties which miraculously made it) was my journal, which I still periodically read. Why I thought an online journal would satisfy my need to record my thoughts is beyond me. I’m too old fashioned for all this technology. I’ll backtrack and then bring you (and me!) up to date.
Week Ending 28 October 2011:
This week was riddled with funny/strange/sad/disgusting stories. Let me see what I can remember:
1.)    Christopher (age 7) lost his front tooth this week. Alexis, the volunteer who works directly with him in special ed, told him to keep the tooth so the Tooth Fairy (aka Ligia, the useless head of this classroom) would give him a gift. He proudly paraded it around the comedor showing everyone. So apparently as the story goes, he put this tooth under his bed that night as carefully instructed by Alexis. The next day, Alexis asked him where his tooth was. He said that he didn’t have it because “Raton Perez” took it. Alexis assumed that “Raton Perez” was like the Ecuadorian Tooth Fairy and she asked him if it was similar to what Americans tell their children when they loose their teeth, specifically if Raton Perez visits all children. Cristofer replied no, that Raton Perez only visits him. Confused as most would be, she pressed on to find an answer as to who this Raton Perez is. Cristofer replied that he had a lot of Raton Perez’ at his house, that they were all black, and that he stole his tooth……the kid named the rats that live in his house….hysterical, sad, and disgusting.
2.)    My “special ed” student Alex was being an absolute pain in the butt the other morning. As he always does, he was testing my patience, but that day I couldn’t take it, so I left him corner of the room, told him I wouldn’t teach him, and went to go work with other students. I sat down with Maggie, one of the assistants to Ligia (ecua) as she was explaining how some movies are for adults, some are for young people, and some are for children to about 6 kids all under the age of 11. I’m not sure how all of this started as I came in mid-conversation, but all of a sudden, Maggie was asking the students (mostly boys) if their dads had porn in the house and if they had seen it before. She seemed to get through to some of them, that the things they do in porns are for adults (I think she used the word fun…sweet god!), and that they shouldn’t treat women like objects…. I hope this is never an issue for my future children when they are under the age of 10….sad/strage.
3.)    Alex was wearing this NYC shirt today that I know I had when I was little…you know the kind, the 5 shirts for 20 bones on the street. The shirt had an icon of the Trade Centers on it, so I asked Alex if they still existed (this is of course in process, I know as they are rebuilding) but he knew absolutely nothing about 9/11. I guess why would he? He’s 13 and lives in Ecuador, isn’t constantly connected to the internet like people in the states, and has little regard for anyone beside himself in general. Still, it’s strange to me.
4.)    Thursday I was feeling particularly tired and apathetic. Thus I played basketball with Alex as I made him answer math facts (valid lol), and then later in my colegio English girls class, we played soccer against another class. Both were pretty funny….and I still have my side shot skills for basketball….my soccer skills are improving, but as we played with 30 girls on the field, there was little action for any one person haha. I had to eventually stop the game of soccer with 30 teenage girls running and screaming around as they had class and the ball was mine, so I grabbed it in the middle of a play since they wouldn’t give it to me. I was then MAULED to the ground by ten of them as all the colegio boys watched from above. So much for respect!
5.)    Rosario, one of my adult ed students, also mother to Roberto (my special special ed student who is no longer under my eye, thank GOD!) came up to me when I was at baths. We started chatting about normal things. She and I had both been sick that week, so I asked her how she was feeling. She seemed better, and before I could ask another question, she pulled out this small box covered with a piece of cloth that had 4 teeny tiny gray kittens in it. She offered to sell me a cat for $1.00. Well, not only do I not like cats and can’t have one in the house, the poor things looked like they were on the Sarah Mcglauchline (sp) commercial for the ASPCA. It was so sad. I was immediately reminded of my good friend, Christina Lyons, who is the biggest animal lover I know. She would have pulled out 4 bucks, nursed them back to full health, and immediately found a vet to get the proper vaccines. She would also be quite sad to see all the stray dogs here literally running up and down the streets. I saw one that had been hit by a car. A man was cleaning it off the street. So sad.
6.)    Sunday we went to another barrio (neighborhood) to see one of the volunteers here perform for a Dia de los Muertos celebration, along with a few other people who work at the Center. It was a decent barrio and a ton of people who stayed for the festival after morning mass. There were literally people standing outside church for mass because it was so packed. You don’t even get that for the Xmas-Easter crowd in the states. The festival included a number of different bands, dance groups, some traditional with ethnic dress and dance, others dancing to Don Omar (reggaton/club music) which was also really funny as it was right outside church. Anyway, they had colada morada (delicious drink that includes a lot of different fruits and is quite thick), and pan de guaguas (baby bread) as these are 2 typical Ecuadorian treats for Dia de los Muertos). I got really burnt as I thought we were going to be inside, but it was really interesting to see a real Ecuadorian celebration. The church was started by a father who will be living with us for a few months. He goes back and forth between here and his parish in boston. Seems like a good guy, let’s just hope he’s not a sox fan. Funny part about this day is that as we were going there, all of the volunteers who went up to see Julia perform (about 8) got off the bus, but Kristen, who is known  for sleeping all the time (sometimes in special ed when working one on one with a student, sometimes in cabs or during meetings haha). We didn’t know what to do as she didn’t have a phone. She apparently woke up about 10 minutes after and spent a half hour walking down a hill back to the church.


Alright, let’s move on a bit. (week ending 4 Nov. 2011)
This week was a good one, particularly because I only had class Monday and Tuesday, didn’t have English or adult ed, so really only had to prepare for Religion, tho the short week had a rough spot as well.

Monday I was feeling pretty good in the morning before class. I was excited for my trip to Cuenca Tuesday night, and knew that I had very little to get thru before I got there. As usual when I walked into special education, Ligia was MIA. I came up with a few activities for Alex to keep him entertained and going until I could find Ligia. She waltzed in a half hour later, and so as I usually had been doing, I asked her for activities for Alex for the day. Now, before I go on, let me say that when Corry and John (2 special ed teachers in the states who spent the first 6 weeks with us) were here, they had NUMEROUS meetings with Ligia to outline OUR responsibilities in the class and hers. Things were alright when they were here as we didn’t have to fight with this very lazy woman, along with Madre Cindy who has little idea what goes down in the class. This was a good and bad thing as the volunteers were in the class all the time and Corry and John were only there sometimes. Anywho, so at the end of all their meetings, it was decided that it was Ligia’s job to evaluate the students, create objectives for them once a month, and give the volunteers activities, worksheets, etc for the students along with teaching new material. So basically we were to act as aids as none of us have any sort of education background. Let’s continue. So when I asked her for things to do with Alex that day, she went off on me about how it wasn’t her job to come up with activities and that the other volunteers were doing their own activities for their students. This is a complete lie as Alexis gets activities from Corry who is in charge of Cristofer from Canindaigua, NY, and Joe gets materials from Maggie, who also works with the kid that Joe works with. This leaves Kristen and I to do busy work that we come up with because Ligia isn’t there which is not fair at all. So Ligia started yelling at me about this and of course, I got upset. I told her I would talk to her in the hall. She continued about how it wasn’t her job and that I was there to make activities for Alex. This was all bold face lies and really really upset me. After I cut her off from whatever she was mumbling to me in Spanish which I wasn’t paying attention to anyway, I walked into the office to use the bathroom to get a tissue and splash my face with some cold water to get over it and move on. Of course, I see Cristina, who is one of my favorite students in English and also helps me with baths.  I felt so stupid. I’ve cried here more than I have in the past 5 years, I’m pretty certain of this. But this job is incredibly emotional and not something you can really leave once you are out of class. It’s a 24/7 gig. Anyway, I got thru the rest of the morning with this nightmare of a lazy woman and tried to focus on Cuenca. Later that night at baths, Cristina and Estefanie (another English student) asked me why I had been crying. They pressed me and pressed me to tell me what was wrong (I didn’t want to tell them I was having a problem with a teacher), but Estefanie knew I was in special ed with Ligia, and figured it out. She gave me a mini pep talk about how awful Ligia is once I admitted it was her, and told me that Ligia was “el diablo” or the devil and that a lot of people have problems with her. She asked me if I liked to be at the center in general, and reminded me that one bad apple does not spoil the bushel. I told her that some days were really really hard, but that there was also a lot to “sonreir” or smile, about at the Center and that every day I am happier than I had ever been. She gave me a hug, and of course I had to smile after that.

Tuesday was better. Our special ed class did a little presentation for the escuela (grammar school) kids about Dia de los Muertos, which was really cute. I was still annoyed at Ligia, but we had a little party with colada morada and pan de guaguas with the kids after the presentation which was cute.

After getting through the day, I finished packing for Cuenca, and we ran out the door to catch a cab for the bus terminal downtown. Our bus was at about 1030 at night and was PACKED with people leaving the city for various places as the entire country was on vaccacion from Wed-Sunday for Dia de los Muertos and the Fiestas of Cuenca which honor 191 years of Cuencan independence. How cool is that? Just randomly giving everyone in the country (thanks correa!) off for ONE city’s independence.—the US govt is too concerned with other things to recognize religious and civic holidays together. This would never happen! Anyway, despite the fact that numerous professors and admin had told me that week that night buses were dangerous, we already had our tickets, so I was hoping that my faith in humanity not to hijack, rob, or kidnap me (all these things were things that I was told that happens to people sometimes), would not fail me. It turned out fine and I was much less nervous than I should have been. Sleeping was impossible and I was incredibly restless, thus I was exhausted for the next 2 days, but that’s fine.  Apparently the 2 guys in front of us on the bus were smoking weed, but with my cold and complete ignorance to these things, I didn’t notice. I just thought they were obnoxious haha. One snafoo was that our bus clipped the side of a cement wall when we pulled into a bus station to get gas. That certainly jolted me from my sleep!!!

We got into Cuenca Wednesday and to our hostel which was right near the river, around 715 or so, and for whatever reason, thought we’d get right to doing things. With the Fiestas going on, there were people in the streets and up and moving. We stopped at a coffee place where I got a much needed cappuccino (the coffee at the center is instant, and I miss good coffee and thus jump at any chance to get it lol) and then walked down by the river, which is more like a babbling brook, where there were already vendors setting up. There was a market where you could find a lot of typical Ecuadorian things (hats, scarves, shawls, some instruments, llama products, etc) much of which was a repeat from Otovalo (a city about an hr from Quito which is a HUGE market for these things at a good price), but it was fun to see that lining the river. There was also a “art in the park” exhibit across the street. I started chatting with one of the artists and he asked my name. I told him Juliana as this is my name here and started singing the song “Juliana” by DLG. To give you an idea, the chorus goes, “Juliana que mala eres, que mala eres Juliana..” So OBVIOUSLY, I am not a mala, or bad Juliana, so had to tell him I was not like the song. Some of the special ed kids I don’t work with will sing this song to me as I walk past them on the playground. Little brats! We walked all over the city and to a few of the indoor markets where they had huge fruit, veggie, meat, fish selections. Later in the morning, we stumbled upon an agriculture show. We walked thru it and I saw the largest heads of lettuce ever, along with whole pigs, roasted, smoked black that people were just hacking into and eating on the spot. It made me nauseous. There was also cui (guinea pig) galore. I haven’t brought myself to eating this Ecuadorian delicacy, but I have til July-Aug 2012 to eat what I once kept in a cage as a pet. So fowl. What else? We saw 2 parades, went to the Cathedral Nuevo (really beautiful, but outside was more impressive than inside), walked more by the river, went to another artisans show which was more my speed and more locally done (also more expensive) but really beautiful things. I had to walk away from a beautiful leather bag…it was hard! But I don’t have 70 bones for a bag. Boo-hiss. We took a nap in the afternoon, and then went out for some food, a few drinks, and to find some live music, etc. We turned in pretty early as we had plans to go to Ingapirca the next day.

Thursday:
We got on a bus to Ingapirca, Incan ruins about 2 hours outside the city, at 9am. It was really beautiful as it was on the side of a mountain and was sunny and pleasant outside. There were even brown llamas walking around the ruins! There were remains of aquaducts and a large rock surrounded by smaller rocks with holes in them which they used as a calendar. So crazy! When we got back to the city around 3 or so, we took a nap as we were still recovering from the silly nite bus, got dinner at this Mexican joint which was kinda gross, and then went out again to hear some music, and do some dancing. Alexis, one of the girls who came, had this dance off at one of the clubs we went to. It was really funny and pretty awesome. I had this milky-vodkay drink which was a bad mistake as it made me feel aweful the next morning. I have also lost all tolerance for alcohol. My friends who survived my crazy summer 2010 would not believe me. One margarita and I’m down for the count! One thing I like about Ecuador is that their house wine is almost always Malbac because its so much cheaper. Luckily for me, its one of my favorite wines! Tho it is still more expensive than beer. Another complete side note, the 30th, I went with a few others to this irish pub which shows American football. Cost of a Guinness IN A CAN: 15.99!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was outraged and appauled that they didn’t have it on tap at an irish pub, or that it was so expensive. I could buy a case for that!! The Irish would demand they change the name of the pub. ANYWHO, back to Cuenca! We went to this one Cuban owned place for a little dancing. I was given a salsa dancing lesson from a friendly guy who I think just wanted to practice his English ahah, but it was fun. There was also a girl there from Catholic. She looked so familiar and started talking to some of the other volunteers. She told them she was from DC, so they told me. I asked her if she want to Catholic and well, what do you know? She graduated in 2011 from the Social Work school. THE WORLD IS FAR TOO SMALL!!!

Friday:
Another relatively early morning for us. We tried taking a bus to Cajas Nacional Park, not too far outside the city to the south. Well, the buses were filled, so we tried going to another station in the south to get tickets. We waited about 25 minutes for a bus to come by, and asked some other people waiting at the terminal for advice on how to get there. They suggested we take a cab, which we did. We found the nicest cab driver who took all five of us. It was also hard to find cabs to take 5 as most cap it at 4, but he drove us up to the higher part of the park, gave us advice and commentary on things to do in the park and in Cuenca. The park didn’t have a great info center, just this little resort thing. He walked us into the hotel/resort and got us information for activities they offered and whatnot. He also gave us his house and cell # incase we needed to get back and couldn’t get a bus. Just SO NICE. Reminded me of when Ann and I were in Ireland and the man we named Liam drove us back from the park to Dublin and disappeared before we could even give him a few euros. People in Cuenca were very nice…it was like the south in the states. Maybe it was the festivities and all the fiesta-ing, but everyone was nice when we asked for directions, advice, or for food. Anyway, we had a great day. We went horseback riding a bit, and then went hiking, attempting to find one of the 236 lagoons in the park. Well, not everyone was as energenic about the hike, but we made it a few hours, got some awesome views, found 2 random horse roaming the mountains (they weren’t wild and had shoes), and found a pretty large skull. It was a lot of fun. Some people also decided to go swimming in the river. I refrained as I didn’t want to be colder than I was, but stuck my feet in. It was a refreshing day to be up in the mountains and breathe the fresh air instead of the smog from Quito’s buses. We got back, took a nap (see a pattern??), and later went out. I cut my nap short to go back to the artisans tent to see if I could get a few gifts. I ended up buying a mobile (sounds weird but is really pretty!) and a table runner which may or may not be gifted..haha. I’m selfish and have a shopping issue! This is my downfall in life. Anyway, we were told of a good Mexican restaurant to try, so we walked further into the city center for this. There were tons of people and bands in the streets. The restaurant was quite good, a little pricy, but good. There was live music and the guy played Blackbird, my favorite Beatles song! He did it justice in his Spanish accent. Also made me think of Christina Lyons…I have to tell her about this! We went out dancing a bit again (ive danced more here in the past 3 months than in the entirety of college!), and went to bed around 1am or so.
Saturday was a bit more free. We slept in a bit, and Joe, Alexis and I went to Chordeleg, a town about an hr from the city that is famous for its inexpensive silver. I started talking to this guy on the bus who lived in NYC for 2.5 years and just came back. He was lamenting his loss of life in Queens. At one point, I looked out at the breathtaking mountains and exclaimed how beautiful it was in Ecuador. He told me that he thought the concrete buildings of NYC were more beautiful—literally, his words! I found it hard to believe, but I guess it’s true…it’s easier to find the beauty in something unfamiliar to you. I walked past concrete everyday in DC and got sick of most of what is actually beautiful architecture and government buildings (minus the FBI building, that is a disaster) but could stare at the Andes all day and be more than happy. We always want what we can’t have…how true it is. Chordeleg is a cool little place. It’s higher up and offered amazing vistas. There’s a little church in the town center which is this awkward shade of green, and has a regular face clock on it in the center that you would find in a highschool cafeteria, but also had a beautiful stained glass rose above the doors. The town square is entirely lined with jewelry shops. Literally, every single one. It was more than overwhelming. Some of them were really really cheap, some moderate, and of course, I would find the expensive ones, as is my other not so hidden talent (spending money!) I ended up finding a beautiful pair of 18kt gold studs shaped like flowers that have a coral center (im a sucker for coral and studs!) that were a little pricy. I had this flashback as I was trying to decide whether or not I should buy it to Italy with Ms. Luhr in highschool. I was deciding if I should buy these pretty little gold hoops. She told me that I would have them forever and I should get them. She was right…they are still some of my favorite earrings! So despite the fact I was in a town famous for cheap silver, I went with the expensive gold. Story of my life. I did find something pretty for one of my dear friend in London…now I just have to see her in the next year to give them to her!!
We got back into Cuenca about 5pm, relaxed at the hostel (tho we had checked out), and went to get some dinner with CeCe and Andy who had stayed behind to explore Cuenca some more. We found a sandwich place called Chiplote, not to be confused with Chipotle, which was excellent. I wasn’t too hungry as we had a late lunch, so saved half of my chicken sandwich for the ride home at 1040. The place was owned by an American and was absolutely delicious…when in Cuenca, eat American food haha. Eh, whatcha gona do. CeCe and I decided that we were going to split one of the deals they had (2 for 1 margaritas), however, the man misunderstood all of us, and brought us out 8 margaritas (Alexis and Andy were going to split the deal too). Needless to say, it was a whole lota marg! We had time to kill, so went  back to the hostle and watched a movie. My stomach was starting to bother me (probably from the greasy sandwich) so I was trying to drink some water and relax before the bus. The pains went away, so I decided to eat the rest of my sandwich before we left for the bus. It seemed fine, but then about 2 hours into the bus ride (1230am) my stomach had the worst cramps. I was having flashbacks to my colitis days. I tried to relax, stretch out, and drink some water, but nothing was working. On top of that, I was so cold because the window next to me had a draft. At about 230am, I decided I could take it no more. I climbed over the man next to me who was sleeping, and asked the bus driver for a key to the bathroom in the back. He informed me that it was broken and that they don’t usually stop during the nite route. I must have had a pretty pained look on my face because when I told him it was an emergency, he told me to wait in the front and that he’d stop ahead. He pulled into a closed gas station that had bathrooms that were still open on the side. They were the most rancid bathrooms I’d ever seen, but luckily there was one relatively clean and I travel with toilet paper (rule #2 of ecua-travel  right after #1, don’t drink the water).  I wasn’t the only one who needed to go, as the geriatric ward came in right behind me to use the bathroom. I relate to the pains of old people haha. So after that for the rest of the 4 hours back to quito, I slept relatively well.

Before I knew it, I was waking up to a cold Quito morning. The city seemed a little grimier than I remembered…maybe because I was in Cuenca, a city still very much influenced and preserved with Spanish architecture, so much so it reminded me of Granada, Spain, but maybe because I was outside it and could see the city a little better, even despite my exhaustion.  Okay, wow, this is a lot of information and I need some sleep (still getting over the cold). I’ll have to pull this all apart another day. 

Monday, October 17, 2011

So lying underneath the stormy skies, I know the sun will set to rise

A lot has been on my mind lately…let’s see if this makes sense.

Before I begin, I decided to write one good thing and one bad thing about Quito, the Center, or just general stuff. I credit my friend Katlin Hess with her superior blogging abilities with this one!

Like: I like how all of the walls between houses in the majority of the city have an extra protection with broken bottles cemented down. I’ll have to get a picture up of this.
Dislike: I dislike taxis honking or flashing their lights at me for being the gringoist of gringos, and also people starring at me intently when I’m running (knife in sports bra, no ipod, don’t worry!). Though, this does prove an inspiration not to slow down despite the lack of oxygen I haven’t fully adjusted to yet.

Back to business…

The last two weeks have been good ones. Roberto (my nightmare child) has moved out of my special ed class and I am left working with Alex, who even two doctors and a woman with 10 years of experience at the Center can’t handle. I’ve made it my personal challenge to rise to this challenge and teach Alex a thing or two about math, language, English, being in a classroom with other students, and Stevie Wonder. Okay, that was a one-time thing and was part of my reading program with him, but rest assured, I was happy to bring in Superstitious, For Once in my Life, and Isn’t She Lovely on my Ipod. He liked both Stevie Wonder and my Ipod, which he has asked about every day since.

My Spanish is steadily improving and I’ve changed my schedule a bit to accommodate exercise time, lesson planning time, mass time (2x a week), Spanish time, and yes, even a bit of sleep! Though this does require my alarm going off around 615 instead of 715am. We’ll see how long this goes before I crash and am up to my snotty nose in tissues and tea. The weeks are so busy it’s quite hard to be social lunes-viernes which perfectly fits my reserved, loner type personality, so by the weekends, I can handle floating around a bit as a butterfly. Still, no time is really my own, so I still find myself hiding in my shell in moments I would (in the past) normally be the one pouring one more shot before we head out the door, or insisting that everyone comes out. To this I realize that people have a somewhat strange impression of me, but maybe this is me. I haven’t figured out if I am growing up, getting boring, missing my friends and finding everyone else subpar, or whether I still let the fact that I have a hard time letting people in get the best of me. I think this is still left to be discovered. Though I broke this Friday when I decided at the last minute to go out, told myself I wasn’t going to be out late since I had to be walking around the city with 20 adults the next morning at 9am. We went to this stupid hookah bar for the millionth time (I hate this place, but the mojitos are good lol) and everyone was either drunk from happy hour which I didn’t go to because I had baths, or just piss drunk in general. All I wanted to do was dance which is the reason I ever go out here (I know, its funny because this is never my motive in the “estados” and also I have no rhythm haha), but I decided go to against my better judgment and say screw it, and go out dancing when everyone else but one went home. So I did, scored a few free drinks no thanks to me, but to my much smoother friend Meredith, a convo about the bills and giants (in Spanish, to which I defended the bills), frank lloyd wright with a Ecuadorian architect, and an extraordinarily overpriced cab ride home. I also stumbled upon a “German” bar, which failed me in every sense as they only had 3 german beers bottled, and I’m almost positive 2 of them don’t exist in Germany. Anyway, I digress.

Much has been bouncing around in my mind as you may have guessed from the previous paragraph. For whatever reason, I’m stuck in one of these self-discovery moments. Everything around me is suggesting to me that it’s more than what the surface offers and that it can help me figure the purpose or end result of this year for me personally, my students here, and my future (if that makes any semblance of sense). Perhaps my awareness is heightened as all of these things are on my mind, but I feel I am just now starting to see my flaws, my strengths, how I understand myself, and how others see me (for better or worse, of course).  I must say, this is all very daunting, terrifying, and curious to me. I honestly have to put a share of the blame on the new Coldplay song “Paradise” (so excited for the new album I preordered it!) and the fact that two of my good friends are recently engaged and have indirectly made me wonder what it (life) is really all about…like I don’t get enough of that here! I have always expected big things for my life, really. I worked hard in school and in life because of my high expectations, but here, so little of what I spent 4 years obsessing over matters in the same way it used to. Sure, I use my philosophy and theology everyday to stretch my understanding of the world, along with history (we took our adult ed class to the centro historico and this woman cleaning out the Iglesia del Robo (circa 1600s) was explaining more of what they were doing and why to what we had learned in Quito’s leyendas (legends) that week), but no one cares what I wrote my thesis on, what grades I got in class, and what extra curriculars I did, including myself to a small (very small, I still miss school and the library!) extent. For the most part, I’ve spent 23 years living for myself, and somewhat selfishly keeping my guard up, hiding whatever piece I either haven’t discovered of myself or whatever piece I’m scared of, in fear of perhaps something greater than even what I have in mind for the rest of my life. So with this, I will do my best to let go a bit…for my fellow volunteers, for my students and families here in Quito, for my friends at home who have probably seen this all along, for my family who loves me despite this, for whatever higher power I struggle to find, but most importantly for myself.

MMMkay, so besides that, you should know the following:
1.)   
My plans for 5 days in the Amazon fell through for the first weekend in November and I am now going to Cuenca. I am excited about this as it was my second choice, and I think it will be a good time.
2.)    Machu Picchu is a go! I will be in Cuzco on the 26th of Dec and hike the Inca trail with Barbara, Carolyn, and 2 volunteers for 4 days. We will spend new years eve sunrise overlooking Machu Picchu and hopefully make it back into Cuzco for midnight. I normally hate new years,  but I think I will like this one. Still have to figure out what else we want to do in Peru, but I feel much better knowing my reservation for Machu is a go!
3.)    Mary Kate is officially coming for Easter! She will get to experience some of my classes and then we will do some fun stuff in Quito inside and outside of Quito.
4.)    David (volunteer) and I did a minga this morning (630 left cotacollao, 500 returned). We cleared a piece of land high up in the hills to be used for cultivation. It was exhausting and I got sunburned, but it was nice to spend some time away from the volunteers minus david and with the people. They were so nice (and from La Marin so I don’t know any of them) and one lady paid for my bus fare both ways which was extraordinarily generous (50 cents total incase you were wondering). It was a beautiful day. The man’s house was about 2 hours from ours in the south and it was a long journey, but good to see more of the city too. It’s such a crazy/awesome/beautiful/poor/rich place. I’m still cracking that egg too!

I suppose that is about it. Days begin early and go late, and as Coldplay has so gracefully put it…
When she was just a girl, she expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
so she ran away in her dreams and dreamed of para-para-paradise,
Everytime she closed her eyes.
When she was just a girl, she expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets captured her teeth,
 life goes on it gets so heavy,
the wheel breaks the butterfly,
every tear a waterfall,
in the night the stormy night she closed her eyes,
in the night the stormy night away she flies,
 and dreams of para-para-paradise, para-para-paradise, para-para-paradise.
So lying underneath the stormy skies, I know the sun will set to rise.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

So this is what they meant when they said it was hard....

Ah Saturday.....unfortunately I am not recovering from a night of salsa dancing and reggaton....i got a good night's sleep after watching Black Swan with the other volunteers because we had parent-teacher conferences this morning. It went well and I feel a little more confident with my spanish day by day, but when I hear my students speak english, I imagine it is something similar to what I sound like in spanish! Luckily I have a meeting with Rita this afternoon to keep me on track, but I need to spend more time with it.

This week was my first "hard week." My student, Roberto, who asked me several VERY VERY inappropriate questions on Monday, stole not only my kitchen timer for the class, but also the flash drive of the special ed coordinator. Okay, let me break this down, because it kind of took me on an emotional rollercoaster. Monday, he asked me questions and persisted on grazing my boobs and touching my leg and those sorts of things when I was trying to work with him. I had David, one of the volunteers, talk to him (though I had told him a million times why this was inappropriate) about it. It did nothing. I then had to go to Marco Polo, head of colegio, and explain this to him. I was almost in tears as I tried explaining this sensative situation in Spanish. Cultural differences are frustrating sometimes and even when my explanation was coming out of my mouth, I felt silly, but also didnt want to be mildly sexually harassed by a 13yr old for the rest of the year. So Tuesday Marco talked to him. Meanwhile, that night after he talked to Marco Polo, he came to visit me at baths and persisted in just touching my shoulder or knee when I was busy working just to pester me. So clearly this kid has no fear. Wednesday in class, he and the other kid I help, Alex, were complete nightmares. We made them copy the  "regalas" y "compromismos" 5 times instead of letting them go to recess. The next day, Ligia, whose flash drive was later stolen and is head of the program, yelled at them and made them apologize. Again, nothing. They worked a bit better that day, but still, its a struggle to get them to do their work. Friday, Roberto stole the kitchen timer Kristen and I use to keep time for the "Read Naturally Program" we had to pull teeth to implement. We asked the boys where it was and they both denied having it. A minute later, Alex gave up Roberto. Kristen and I had to take him to Madre Cindy (the disciplinary). She told him he couldnt come back to school until she talked to his parents. Meanwhile his parents were there that week before this happened to talk about his general attitude. Such a pisspot. I'm not sure where the problem stands now, but I'll keep you posted.

So Tuesday, after I talked to Marco Polo, I had religion class. Admittedly, I was pretty hot from the situation and kind of took it out on the girls. Karma proves a bitch though, and on my way down the stairs after class with 8 bibles in my hands, I fell down 4 stairs. Some of the boys I see at baths helped me up and didn't even laugh at me. They must have seen I was having a day. I wear my heart on my sleeve (or face) what can I say...

After that, I had adult ed. Sometimes I feel like Mike (the retired philosophy professor who helps us) expects me to run the show of 26 adults even though my spanish is the worst of the 4 other volunteers who help run the class. So I was trying to explain to this woman who came in late that she needed to talk to the Madres regarding her lateness for the 4th day in the row. She couldn't understand a word I was saying because shes catcheuan (spelling completely wrong!), so she doesnt speak spanish, let alone my spanish. She gave me this blank stare and I just burst in tears. I got a hold of myself a few minutes later, but for anyone who knows me, I'm not an emotional person and it takes a lot to make me cry. I think the last time I cried was when I left DC for real. Before that, when my uncle died. So it was embarassing for me. Mike was so nice about it. He told me that if I didn't get upset now and then about the work I'm doing with the people I'm doing it for, something was wrong with me. He then laughed and turn my tears into a broken smile. The show must go on.

So that was my week, more or less. I've been drinking freshly squeezed oj, honey, and a bit of cinnamon (hot) every night for salud (health), and it seems to be working. I'm always a bit sniffily anyway, but considering there were like 6 volunteers down this week with flu and I, queen of getting sick, did not, it must be working. It's also delicious and you should try it!

In general, I think this was the first week I really started to understand what I was doing, what I was giving up (missing my friends and family and cozy life!), how frustrating language barriers and cultural barriers are, how to work with people without preaching at them or putting myself above them, and how sometimes, no matter what you do, you can only change people who want to be changed. Lessons are just starting to seep in, but starting nonetheless.

I feel like this was a debbie downer blog, but I'm feeling good again. Much to do today-need to come up with some ideas for the play my religion class is doing (it's going to be about Papa Noel at the Beach regarding the 6th beatitude)--Their ideas, minus the beatitude, but it should be interesting. I'm going to record it, so I will definitely post it on the blog or on my facebook.

Also, a thousand apologies if this is not well organized or thought out: I downloaded the new Jake Owen CD (took me like 4 hours lol) and I'm listening to a little country lovin.

Missing everyone back home. I also sent out about 40 cards home to be mailed in the states, so if I had your address  I probably mailed you one. here's my address for any surprise snail mail (i'd love it!!)

Centro del Muchacho Trabajador
Julia Sellers
Apartado 17-01-3112
Quito, Ecuador
South America

much love, jams

Friday, September 23, 2011

Long Overdue...

It’s Friday the 23rd of september and I’ve officially been here over a month. Is this real life?

No.

Absolutely not.

But I’m loving it.

Actually, I take that back…sorta. My students are more real than anything I know in the comfort of the United States and more of an economic representation of most kids in the world than the spoiled kids I went to school with in Catholic school for 20 years, but my time here is just a glimpse of that understanding and I know that…so for the next 11 months, I will do my best to continually grapple with the economy, poverty, child labor, and the incredible strength of these people to live, work, play, and grow the way they do everyday.
I digress.
I was inspired to write a post because one of my best friends in the entire world, Katlin Hess, and her hysterical little sister started a blog. Granted, there are two of them so blogging is divided in half, but I still felt the pressure to write and that I had been slacking off. Thanks guys!
While I am writing this I am in my “nivelacion religion” class. The girls had an exam yesterday (I haven’t corrected it yet to see the damage), but today we connected creation, talents, and their future. I’m either a master bullshit artist or actually have a grip of the religion thing by now because day after day, I surprise myself with the material I come up with for class. This same effort also drains most of my energy and time, but it’s getting easier every week. Two new girls joined the class on Wednesday (day before exam) which really stressed me out thinking that I would have to catch them up on 3 weeks of material, but I think I will get them there slowly. They are both really quiet and have no idea what I am saying like the other girls did in the first week or so, but im sure they will get used to my poor Ecuadorian accent. Also note that I am not usually just giving my class work and playing around on my computer. This is what’s happening: we read together the parable in Matthew 25: 14-28 about how 2 of the three men who were given talents by god went out and multiplied them, but the third one dug a hole and buried his. So we talked about the creation story, which we read in the first week of school, how God created all of us in his “image and likeness” and how all things that God created are good. I asked them what their talents were and how they could use their talents now or in their future job or to achieve a certain goal, and they had to draw this.
So naturally, any opportunity to subliminally corrupt these kids when we are not reading the Bible together is to play a little music. They all reggaton which I’m getting into a bit, but Cindy, this one girl who I should probably be annoyed by but I secretly like her a lot, insisted that we listen to Michael Jackson. Luckily, I have the classics and was happy to appease her as the girls drew.
We put the pictures up on the wall around a poster I made that says, “Yo soy inteligente. Yo soy importante. Yo puedo llegar a ser cualquier cosa yo quiero porque Dios me creo,” which translates “I am intelligent. I am important. I can be anything I want to be because God created me.” This was adapted from the book and movie, The Help, from I believe the African American nanny in the story. I haven’t read it, but a lot of the colegio (middleschool-early highschool) volunteers have used this phrase (minus the god part) for their classes. The most important thing for these girls beyond their education with us and is to understand and truly believe that they can have something better if they work hard enough for it. Julie (other volunteer) and I did this in our English class before doing occupation vocabulary and the girls came up with some interesting things: a few clothing designers, clothing store owners, news anchor, breakdancer, movie star, vet, doctor, the people at car dealerships who help you with paperwork, astronomer, bank teller, etc. One of the girls in my religion class told me she wanted to be an “enfermera” or nurse, and I proudly told her of all my awesome friends who are nurses and how great, rewarding, and economically advantageous the field is.
Anyway, things are really good. I’m waiting for my immune system to crash with a cold once again as I can feel my ears and back of my throat a little sore, but I went to bed early last nite and I think I am staying in tonite because I have to be up at 7am to get my Census (I will be counted as part of quitos population!). I’m not looking forward to tomorrow morning because others who have went said it takes a few hours to get through the line….but I want to play futbol! Bah!!!
I’ve been running a few times this week for about 30 minutes and let me tell you, IT IS HARD. Not only because I’m running up hills the entire time which I hate and avoid like the plague at home, but also because of the level of oxygen! THERE IS NONE!!! I’ve been told it takes about 3 months to fully adjust. I’m gona stick with it because I know what an advantage it is for people who like to run to run at elevations, but its hard to fit in everyday. If I get to it 4 times  a week, I will be happy.
Ah, in other news, my “special ed” classes. I probably mentioned I am working with a few boys—alex, alex, and Roberto. They are 13-15ish and started school late so they’ve been put into “special ed” because they can’t keep up in a regular class, except all three of the boys are very capable (when they want to be!) So the boys are fine, but the two women who are in the classroom are completely aweful. First, I’m not entirely sure of their level of education(Maggie and Ligia).  The one claims to be a doctor, but as Madres have told us, if you can pay the money, any idiot can be a doctor. I’m not also sure how whatever degree Ligia has (shes the “head” of this operation) translates to the states, but I’d imagine maybe a masters degree. So these two clowns have insisted for the past few weeks that these three boys are on the same level for reading and math. (falso) They’ve insisted that they’ve tested them accurately (falso). They were tested in JUNE, and their “test” consisted of a series of bull shit questions that I really cant understand what they would show because when I saw them “test” the boys, they basically fed them the answers after they told me not to. They’ve told us that the volunteers are responsible for creating lesson plans for them with a list of 4 objectives. FALSE.  Everyone has told us that we are there to work with them with the plans from them. So these poor 13-15 year old boys are in the same room sitting at kindergarten tables and chairs next to kids that are 7-9. How are they supposed to get out of a classroom and be taught in a setting fit for their age when they are surrounded by little kids in a room with zero organization? Luckily, we’ve all been fighting this hard, but the only people to listen to us are Corry and John, the two retired special ed teachers from WNY who then relay the information to Marco Polo (the man) and the Madres. But there’s a disconnect and the Madres seem to think that we don’t know what we are talking about. TRUE. For the most part, I don’t have the first clue where they need to be or how to get them there. All I know is that something is wrong in the situation I am in, these boys are being held back, and on the path they are on, they are going to be in the kindergarten room for the next 2 years. NOT IF I CAN HELP IT. Oh. Here’s a fun fact. Alex and Roberto weren’t doing their work, so they were blaming one another for the reason they weren’t working, Roberto got pissed, said something nasty to Alex which I didn’t catch, and Alex responded that he was going to “screw” his sister. Mind you, his sister is about 4. AWESOME.
I digress. Things are starting to turn up. Corry and John had a meeting with the powers that be and apparently, William (who has a severe hearing problem and just got hearing aids last year who is 15 and hearing words correctly for the first time…such a good kid), one of the Alex’s, and this other kid (who had a swastika around his neck today….I ALMOST RIPPED IT OFF HIS NECK), are being moved to another program which is specially for boys in their situation. Why they weren’t there to begin with is beyond me, but since they work and have carpentry and whatnot, maybe the morning was the only time they could to it….i’m not sure, but I know this is for the best. We are also going to be starting a program called “Read Naturally” and I’ll be trained on how to do that this weekend so the boys can get their levels up.
So now im left with Roberto, who is obsessed with my love life (err, lack thereof lol), tries to tackle me, has outwardly touched my boobs when im not paying attention, and today was kicking me. He’s a good kid, but obviously a tad hormonal and likes to mess around instead of doing his work. I try to remember that when I want to ring his neck, but this is the same kid I wacked with a notebook. TOUGH LOVE. J
So there’s a bit to chew on for now. I will have to write about my adult ed classes because they are really a trip. I saw Madre Miguel take a picture of me trying to explain what we were doing in class that day, so if I can get my hand on it, I will post it because Im pretty sure she caught me in an action shot.

Stay cool and enjoy the fall weather if its there!! So JEALOUS!!!

Jams jams jams jams 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

31 Augusto 2010

I feel like this is one of those, ¨holy crap, what have I gotten myself into,¨kind of moments. Already I have failed keeping a regular log of my thoughts via the internet and with my handy pen, but that is really not the point of this post. we are now a week and a half in and after a week of torment, i recieve my schedule on monday...well kind of. this entire week has been meeting with directors, teachers, heads of programs, etc. i feel i am left with so many unanswered questions as all of my classes are directed by different people and all want things a slightly different way...who came up with this? my only relief is the very real fact that i am not alone in this confusion. i have 15 other people for that. I´m so lost in some respects that I cant even ask the right questions! ah!


Here are some of the things I know: from 8-12 everyday I will be working with special ed students in Cotacollao.The meeting we had with the directors was pretty challenging. They are some of the few people i really have no idea what they are saying, and they were further confusing me by confusing me with the 2 other julies in the program. After digesting the mouthfuls of spanish i tried to chew down, I found out that for the first month or so, i am responsible for very little, as the teachers and directors are sorting out who needs additional help and all those things. Later on, I will work with them to design activities for the students who need extra help...hopefully my espanol is better by then! So, while I was assured in this meeting that I´d have little to do for the first 4 hours of my day, i feel like this is bound to change. just gota go with the flow!

Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays, ive been assigned to the bakery and or learning center. I have to talk to the Madres about this, but I feel if I am allowed time in the bakery, i will definitely introduce Barb Brills pie recipe!!

Wednesdays and Thursdays i will be teaching colegio level three girls. There seems to be just utter chaos in the English dept: which workbook goes with which grade, whether we go off previos lesson plans or by the book, who has what book, why colegio girls and the girls program are doing the same stuff, etc. I worked pretty much all day yesterday on a lesson plan and script for my first day. I thought I had gotten through the hour class when Julie, the girl who is teaching the other half of the level mentioned that the class is an hour and 25 minutes.....ah crap. i resolved this discrepancy this morning and now feel okay for the first day.

4-5pm seems to be my rough spot. why? well after a brief 20 minute meeting with Saul, director of the religion classes who lives in my building, i may or may not have to design an entire cirriculum. he gave little suggestions and ideas other than some workbooks, a silly bible game(kid you not), movies galore, and a bunch of rosaries and religios chotchkies to give away to those who have a ¨buen examen.¨Just looking at the material, i am bored out of my mind and need some serious creativity! My religious ed experience outside of 20 years of religion classes revolves around plays, skits, retreats, songs, etc about moral dilememas... these kids are too young for the heavy stuff. they are just learning about sacraments, moses, the jesuits, and basic jesus stuff! While i have a slight distain for the formalities, traditions, and religious rigamarole of the catholic faith, I refuse to let that get in the way of teaching these kids some values, morals, and lets not forget, have a little fun! ah well, it will be interesting. Saul said he´d give me a ¨planificacion¨ today. when translated, this means ¨family planning¨according to the dictionary i was given by sra. countney in 1999 for most improved student. but in all seriousness, i think hes giving me some more direction today. hes learning english and im scraping by en espanol.

As overloaded as i feel right now, i kind of want this challenge. Its what I came for. Challenge and the ability to adapt and push my limits is what I love and live for. Its why I love travelling and experiencing new things and places even if they make me uncomfortable (see bullfight in madrid). Its why i left a solid job in DC. Its why I had no problem picking up my stuff and travelling far from my creature comforts of home with only my broken spanish to talk me out of a dark alley or a drug raid to come here for a year. Its why I cant wait to overcome these beginning challenges and leave awesome lesson plans for future volunteers.

Last night I read a small treatise called, ¨Contemplation in Action: the Jesuit Way¨to get a better understanding of Jesuit spirituality. It ran through some of the history, why jesuits are or were critisized, how they find a balance between prayer and action, education and¨helping souls,¨poverty and sustainance, tradition and progression. I could literally hear my dad´s voice through all of it as he has more than obsessively praised the work of Jesuit education in his life, my brothers life, and anyone who has had the blessing´¨ to recieve it. I heard his words in my head as I paged through the treatise and felt a deeper appreication for not only why he obsessed over the statue of Peter Canisius and the Basilica of the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception,  but also for the work the Center does and how I play a part in that...at least for this year! Admittedly, had I given more consideration to Jesuit education, I may not be so bitter against the catholic church after CUA as I would rather express my faith through action, not the pope´s dictation. One quote I took with me from the treatise was, ¨Pray as if everything depended on you. Work as if everything depended on God.¨ While I think my religious beliefs stretch beyond the Catholic faith, I think this Ignatian quote is a good place to start....or consider.

anyway, time to get back. keep you updated as things progress.


Thursday, August 25, 2011

A few days in!

So I am nearing the end of my first week of orientation. i apologise for my brevity but i am at an internet cafe as our network at the center is down. facebook won´t let me login, but in about 2 weeks i should have more regular internet on a daily basis. i will be getting my computer down here sept 17th so will be more in contact with the other world then!

Today we had our first teaching lesson and tomorrow we will be students to be teachers all day. it´s a bit overwhelming, but a good, practical foundation.

yesterday we were able to play with the kids for a bit and it was so much fun! its like playing with my awesome nieces and nephews. the kids love the gringos and want us to swing them around and all sorts of things. it was kinda exhausting as we are all still gettting used to the altitude, but i felt pretty good running around. today i am a bit sore from 3 children hanging on my neck at once, but that will pass!

well, tengo que estudiar mi espanol! yo se que los ninos van a ser los muestras mejores!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Hola de Quito!

18 days ago I was busy getting ready for this, and now I'm here! I got in last night around 11pm, made I through customs and immigration(they didn't reject me yet!) and was picked up by madre Cindy! Being that I got in so late, I was given a quick tour, shown where the drink water is(still unsure about it lol), unpacked some stuff since I was on a bit of an adrenaline rush, and crawled into my new bed. My accommodations are pretty generous. The center is much bigger than I expected, there's a tv and tons of movies, and there's even wifi for Petes sake!
I am also the only one to come without a laptop or iPad. So even though there is a computer to use for Internet, I'm blogging from my iPod, so I apologize if this entry is all over the place and is more a train of thought than anything logical or well organized as I usually try to do. Ah well, my faithful readers will appreciate my efforts!

This morning I woke up around 7am to use the bathroom-- which I have my own--and I stuck my head out from the curtains. Talk about a room with a view! Not only are the Andes before my eyes, feet away, there's an active volcano up in the peaks! I had no words as I made my first encounter with daytime Quito and can't wait to get to know his place better!

The late morning and early afternoon was spent getting to know some of the voluteers, who are from Washington state to LA to florida to jersey! Everyone seems nice, but this is a total flashback to freshman year of college: small talk, feeling people out, and apples to apples. Ah well, I'm sure it will be fine As the days progress. We are all in he same boat and know no one in he city! We spent the rest of the day exploring the colonial center and later went to a cafe in the bar area of the city, which I learned later From madre city that we were not allowed to go at night anymore nbecause some of he volunteers had problems there last year. Luckily we have a few experienced grigos in the group to find a watering hole!

Anywho, day one went well and perhaps I'll do a deeper blog as I get a better feel for my situation and the people around me. Don't want to prejudge!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

17 days!

Well, it's August. This month seemed so far away in April when I left DC, but as I rightfully suspected, it has snuck up on me as another Buffalo-DC-Spain--err, whereever I was this summer has flow by.

August: time to get down to the dirty, cram any Spanish I can in my head, get to all my doctor's appointments and get my shots in, stock up on enough vitamins and iodine tablets to keep my body and water health for at least a few months, FINALLY have my graduation party, train a new puppy, work, babysit, see the occasional friend, get a few pairs of jeans and some basic clothing, become extremely anxious, freak out at people, cry, freak out again, scream something about hating the States while drunkenly throwing my blackberry at a wall (xxoo gabs and becca!), get it all out, and get on an 8 hr flight to Quito anyway....you see why I might be kinda crazed in the next 17 days?

17 days. WOW. In 17 days I will be so far from DC, so far from Buffalo, so far from the States I won't know what to do with myself. I'm picturing myself in my new situation: I'll be anxious and nervous I'm offending someone; I'll stumble through sentences in Spanish and hope that someone understands me, I'll feel guilty about having any excessive comforts: vitamins, iodine supplements, clif bars, cipero (all are really for my own good if you know my insides!) But to have these things so convenient to me while I serve people who don't even consider any of these things necessary is strange to me. Does that make sense? Let's not talk about my Ipod which may or may not be coming down with Forrest Gump and/or Muppets Christmas Carol (favorite movies...ever!). Maybe I'll come to terms with this huge wealthy discrepancy, but I really don't think I will. I've been told to accept it, and love anyway. 'This is what I know and that is what they know' kinda deal. I hope I have that strength somewhere inside. But in this case, "A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water." Eleanor knew all about hot water: war, economic depression, having a lying/cheating husband with a chronic illness, and wearing a smile through it all? Now there's conviction, passion, and a love for something bigger than herself.


So that's where I am right now. I have butterflies and complete confidence; ignorance and openness. We'll see where my unsettled mind and heart are as time progresses. As the great George Michael one said, "I gotta have faith, faith, faith."

Monday, July 25, 2011

T-1 month

I must admit, I've been contemplating this first blog for a few weeks now. Not only because I've been so consumed by other "adult work" and obligations to really have a few hours to set up my profile, but also because  I had to answer a few important questions before beginning, several of which have yet to be answered, so bare with me.

First, Who is this blog for? Will it be my personal journal as I unfold another layer of self, or will I share my thoughts and ideas with whoever chooses to skim through my posts? Well, as all things, it's complicated. I kept two while I was in Berlin: one online which explained my state of mind (and body at that time!) as if I were speaking with friends and family, and separate a written log that unraveled the mysteries of my mind and heart to myself. I reread both on occasion just to see how far I've come. It's amazing what 2 years will do to a person of 23.

Second, Is an online journal in vain since I am not completely positive of my internet situation while in Quito? Well, that I cannot answer fully quite yet, but hopefully I'll at least find a cozy Internet cafe with reliable Internet access somewhere in Quito. This being the case, blogs may be short, sweet, and probably not too juicy. Sorry!

Third, Should I really be focusing any energy on a silly blog since this is not my primary mission while in Ecuador? Again, I'm not sure. I'll have to wait and see how much I get into this, but since co-workers, friends, and family made the request for a blog for updates, I'll see what I can do to appease. Not that any of these people will actually follow my blog...but the idea of someone being mildly interested in this my personal journey was a bit comforting. Could prove a healthy distraction, however.

While these questions all bounced through my head throughout the day, they were not the ones that have been keeping me up at night since moving from DC to Buffalo at the end of April, leaving me exhausted in the morning and searching for caffeine until 2pm. No, the question I needed most to answer was, WHY AM I DOING THIS? I get this question a lot from people...from my closest friends, to the absolute strangers I met in DC during the goodbye-DC period that never seemed to end. I say, "why am I doing this?" like it's something completely crazy and out of left field for me, and I suppose for some people, it would be. The economy sucks, no one is hiring, why not work for free, bum around Quito, and avoid responsibility for another year?

Okay, truth be told, all of those things did cross my mind at one point. I've always had a little bit of inner gypsie in me that fears a permanent residence, car payments, and a mortgage....perhaps its why I love to travel. For a time, I did feel like I was running from DC- Arlington in particular, which to the outside person, would have looked like it pushed me over the edge, and truthfully, it made me realize that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in my comfort zone and that for now, DC had given me all that it could have: an undergrad degree, 4(ish) years of college memories, a broader perspective than my Buffalo roots, an opportunity to really know a major city, and the most amazing friends anyone could ask for (really, I adore you guys!) Honestly, I had everything in DC, and sometimes when I'm home in Buffalo now (weeks before I actually leave the country), I feel crazy for leaving earlier than I had to (let alone at all) , but I felt myself spiraling far out of my own control in the district in my last few months...and that it wasn't what I wanted anymore, so I ran home. I see my own weakness in that, for not sticking out another summer in DC, to get myself together before I left, but the fact that my lease was up and my rent was over $1100 a month also nudged me out the door :)

So really, WHY THEN? During my last semester of college (Fall 2010), I was finally forced to at least start to think about what it was I wanted out of life. I spent four years at CUA taking myself far too seriously, wanting nothing more academically than to enjoy my history classes and graduate with honors. When my time ended and I got what I wanted out of college, I tried to come up with a list of things concrete character traits and skills I had gained as a result of four years of self-torture. When that failed, I went back to the basics. What was it that has actually made me happy and how can I turn that happiness into a something more structured? Many people don't seem to define their character by what they do for 8 hours a day, 5 days week. I'm not one of those people. I need meaning, purpose, and passion. I don't want to settle for a paycheck in front of me. I want to find something greater in me than what I thought was there, and not live with regret of what could have been.

So the basics I felt back on was helping others through volunteering. I loved it in high school and learned a lot about myself at that time through my interactions with other people. I love learning about what makes people tick, why his ticks are louder than her ticks, and how to make all these ticks happy. All that money my dear parents dumped into private Catholic education left something of a mark on me, I guess!

My college experiences were also laced with community outreach thank you KTG, but 2ish years of my 4ish years were a bit more selfish than I would have liked them to have been. Exhaustion, doctors appointments, and colitis nabbed all my extra time when I wasn't struggling through a paper. It was hard to be a good friend, let alone a little humanitarian, most days. But we made it, and now that that door has closed for good, I can finally go back to something I love doing. The "dark days" as I like to call them now that I see the light, have had an unregrettable positive impact on me that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I gained a strength I never knew existed, an empathy for those who struggle with disease (chronic and terminal), and such a deep appreciation for a.) my health b.) my friends c.) my family and d.) the beauty of health insurance. You can't understand the importance of any of these things until you've dealt with disease. Those two years made me want Quito more, as really I've thought about long term service since high school.

"So uhh...why Ecuador?" - Another great question. I could do just as much good in my own town or even in the States than I could Quito. People need help in many ways, not just those in 3rd world countries where help needed is more obvious. True, a reasonable assessment of need in the world. But I digress to my comfort zone issue...the States is the States no matter where you spin it, and from what I'm told I will quickly learn in a place like Quito compared to DC is that our poverty and their poverty is incomparable. So, in true gypsie fashion, I look for something more extreme than West Virginia and the Appalachians (for example) to jump into aiding those in need in Quito.

Luckily, much of the legwork was done for me as I am preceded by 3 cousins who successfully and enthusiastically completed years at the Working Boys Center. The three who have committed at least a year, along with all those family members who have visited and came home singing the Center's praises, are such an inspiration to me. There's something so pure and rich about how they speak about what they experienced and the love they have for the people there that is impossible not to want the same for myself. I looked thoroughly into other programs, but something told me that Quito was where I was supposed to be. Every time they bring the Center up to me, they light up. I see the love in their eyes, and it's beautiful.

So to Quito I go in 26 days. I have my visa, passport, water purifiers, good hiking boots for weekend explorations, guide books, a journal, and a hope that I will be able to use my talents to make someone's life a little better.

DISCLAIMER (because i'm a bit defensive by nature): A few notes for anyone from the close friend to the complete stranger. One: I am not a "Bible-Thumper." I don't go to church on a regular basis and haven't found that it has contributed to my religious and spiritual life in quite some time. I hope that changes in that I need someone to challenge my philosophies and points of view on some level, since the 20-something years of Catholic education has left me jaded, skeptical, and very off put by any of the Church's bureaucracies. I'm not sure I will find that in a Jesuit Missionary, but hell, anything's possible. I'm very much of the opinion that you don't have to be religious or even spiritual to be a good person. If Jesus, Moses, or Muhammad's life or teachings help you be a good person and you feel you need something as "concrete" as religion is, then by all means, go for it. If all this heaven and hell stuff is real, no amount of Eucharist or confession is going to get you in heaven or avoid "the fires of hell." What you do matters. What you believe in, or blindly participate in, probably not so much.        Two: Do not misjudge the restlessness in my own life as judgment on those who chose to stay in one place, have a serious relationship, and do the regular job thing. I want all those things sooner rather than later, but this is something I need to do before I have those commitments and honestly, this is the best time to do it...as I still have no idea what "career" path I will find myself down, nor do I have anyone holding me back emotionally so I am able to give myself completely to the Centro del Muchacho Trabajador. Lucky them!   Three: I hope I don't come off as whatever you think I'm coming off as...pretentious, lofty or unrealistic, Jesus-freakish, whatever. I may be all those things, but no moreso than any other person. I'm just trying to make sense of it all! :)

Well, I suppose this is all a start. I'm sure my anxieties will change as I get closer to Aug 20th, but for today, I'd get on a plane right now if I could. I'm so ready for this, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm in the right place.