So lying underneath the stormy skies, I know the sun will set to rise

A lot has been on my mind lately…let’s see if this makes sense.

Before I begin, I decided to write one good thing and one bad thing about Quito, the Center, or just general stuff. I credit my friend Katlin Hess with her superior blogging abilities with this one!

Like: I like how all of the walls between houses in the majority of the city have an extra protection with broken bottles cemented down. I’ll have to get a picture up of this.

Dislike: I dislike taxis honking or flashing their lights at me for being the gringoist of gringos, and also people starring at me intently when I’m running (knife in sports bra, no ipod, don’t worry!). Though, this does prove an inspiration not to slow down despite the lack of oxygen I haven’t fully adjusted to yet.

Back to business…

The last two weeks have been good ones. Roberto (my nightmare child) has moved out of my special ed class and I am left working with Alex, who even two doctors and a woman with 10 years of experience at the Center can’t handle. I’ve made it my personal challenge to rise to this challenge and teach Alex a thing or two about math, language, English, being in a classroom with other students, and Stevie Wonder. Okay, that was a one-time thing and was part of my reading program with him, but rest assured, I was happy to bring in Superstitious, For Once in my Life, and Isn’t She Lovely on my Ipod. He liked both Stevie Wonder and my Ipod, which he has asked about every day since.

My Spanish is steadily improving and I’ve changed my schedule a bit to accommodate exercise time, lesson planning time, mass time (2x a week), Spanish time, and yes, even a bit of sleep! Though this does require my alarm going off around 615 instead of 715am. We’ll see how long this goes before I crash and am up to my snotty nose in tissues and tea. The weeks are so busy it’s quite hard to be social lunes-viernes which perfectly fits my reserved, loner type personality, so by the weekends, I can handle floating around a bit as a butterfly. Still, no time is really my own, so I still find myself hiding in my shell in moments I would (in the past) normally be the one pouring one more shot before we head out the door, or insisting that everyone comes out. To this I realize that people have a somewhat strange impression of me, but maybe this is me. I haven’t figured out if I am growing up, getting boring, missing my friends and finding everyone else subpar, or whether I still let the fact that I have a hard time letting people in get the best of me. I think this is still left to be discovered. Though I broke this Friday when I decided at the last minute to go out, told myself I wasn’t going to be out late since I had to be walking around the city with 20 adults the next morning at 9am. We went to this stupid hookah bar for the millionth time (I hate this place, but the mojitos are good lol) and everyone was either drunk from happy hour which I didn’t go to because I had baths, or just piss drunk in general. All I wanted to do was dance which is the reason I ever go out here (I know, its funny because this is never my motive in the “estados” and also I have no rhythm haha), but I decided go to against my better judgment and say screw it, and go out dancing when everyone else but one went home. So I did, scored a few free drinks no thanks to me, but to my much smoother friend Meredith, a convo about the bills and giants (in Spanish, to which I defended the bills), frank lloyd wright with a Ecuadorian architect, and an extraordinarily overpriced cab ride home. I also stumbled upon a “German” bar, which failed me in every sense as they only had 3 german beers bottled, and I’m almost positive 2 of them don’t exist in Germany. Anyway, I digress.

Much has been bouncing around in my mind as you may have guessed from the previous paragraph. For whatever reason, I’m stuck in one of these self-discovery moments. Everything around me is suggesting to me that it’s more than what the surface offers and that it can help me figure the purpose or end result of this year for me personally, my students here, and my future (if that makes any semblance of sense). Perhaps my awareness is heightened as all of these things are on my mind, but I feel I am just now starting to see my flaws, my strengths, how I understand myself, and how others see me (for better or worse, of course).  I must say, this is all very daunting, terrifying, and curious to me. I honestly have to put a share of the blame on the new Coldplay song “Paradise” (so excited for the new album I preordered it!) and the fact that two of my good friends are recently engaged and have indirectly made me wonder what it (life) is really all about…like I don’t get enough of that here! I have always expected big things for my life, really. I worked hard in school and in life because of my high expectations, but here, so little of what I spent 4 years obsessing over matters in the same way it used to. Sure, I use my philosophy and theology everyday to stretch my understanding of the world, along with history (we took our adult ed class to the centro historico and this woman cleaning out the Iglesia del Robo (circa 1600s) was explaining more of what they were doing and why to what we had learned in Quito’s leyendas (legends) that week), but no one cares what I wrote my thesis on, what grades I got in class, and what extra curriculars I did, including myself to a small (very small, I still miss school and the library!) extent. For the most part, I’ve spent 23 years living for myself, and somewhat selfishly keeping my guard up, hiding whatever piece I either haven’t discovered of myself or whatever piece I’m scared of, in fear of perhaps something greater than even what I have in mind for the rest of my life. So with this, I will do my best to let go a bit…for my fellow volunteers, for my students and families here in Quito, for my friends at home who have probably seen this all along, for my family who loves me despite this, for whatever higher power I struggle to find, but most importantly for myself.

MMMkay, so besides that, you should know the following:

1.)   

My plans for 5 days in the Amazon fell through for the first weekend in November and I am now going to Cuenca. I am excited about this as it was my second choice, and I think it will be a good time.

2.)    Machu Picchu is a go! I will be in Cuzco on the 26^th of Dec and hike the Inca trail with Barbara, Carolyn, and 2 volunteers for 4 days. We will spend new years eve sunrise overlooking Machu Picchu and hopefully make it back into Cuzco for midnight. I normally hate new years,  but I think I will like this one. Still have to figure out what else we want to do in Peru, but I feel much better knowing my reservation for Machu is a go!

3.)    Mary Kate is officially coming for Easter! She will get to experience some of my classes and then we will do some fun stuff in Quito inside and outside of Quito.

4.)    David (volunteer) and I did a minga this morning (630 left cotacollao, 500 returned). We cleared a piece of land high up in the hills to be used for cultivation. It was exhausting and I got sunburned, but it was nice to spend some time away from the volunteers minus david and with the people. They were so nice (and from La Marin so I don’t know any of them) and one lady paid for my bus fare both ways which was extraordinarily generous (50 cents total incase you were wondering). It was a beautiful day. The man’s house was about 2 hours from ours in the south and it was a long journey, but good to see more of the city too. It’s such a crazy/awesome/beautiful/poor/rich place. I’m still cracking that egg too!

I suppose that is about it. Days begin early and go late, and as Coldplay has so gracefully put it…

When she was just a girl, she expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

so she ran away in her dreams and dreamed of para-para-paradise,

Everytime she closed her eyes.

When she was just a girl, she expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

And the bullets captured her teeth,

 life goes on it gets so heavy,

the wheel breaks the butterfly,

every tear a waterfall,

in the night the stormy night she closed her eyes,

in the night the stormy night away she flies,

 and dreams of para-para-paradise, para-para-paradise, para-para-paradise.

So lying underneath the stormy skies, I know the sun will set to rise.

So this is what they meant when they said it was hard....

Ah Saturday.....unfortunately I am not recovering from a night of salsa dancing and reggaton....i got a good night's sleep after watching Black Swan with the other volunteers because we had parent-teacher conferences this morning. It went well and I feel a little more confident with my spanish day by day, but when I hear my students speak english, I imagine it is something similar to what I sound like in spanish! Luckily I have a meeting with Rita this afternoon to keep me on track, but I need to spend more time with it.

This week was my first "hard week." My student, Roberto, who asked me several VERY VERY inappropriate questions on Monday, stole not only my kitchen timer for the class, but also the flash drive of the special ed coordinator. Okay, let me break this down, because it kind of took me on an emotional rollercoaster. Monday, he asked me questions and persisted on grazing my boobs and touching my leg and those sorts of things when I was trying to work with him. I had David, one of the volunteers, talk to him (though I had told him a million times why this was inappropriate) about it. It did nothing. I then had to go to Marco Polo, head of colegio, and explain this to him. I was almost in tears as I tried explaining this sensative situation in Spanish. Cultural differences are frustrating sometimes and even when my explanation was coming out of my mouth, I felt silly, but also didnt want to be mildly sexually harassed by a 13yr old for the rest of the year. So Tuesday Marco talked to him. Meanwhile, that night after he talked to Marco Polo, he came to visit me at baths and persisted in just touching my shoulder or knee when I was busy working just to pester me. So clearly this kid has no fear. Wednesday in class, he and the other kid I help, Alex, were complete nightmares. We made them copy the  "regalas" y "compromismos" 5 times instead of letting them go to recess. The next day, Ligia, whose flash drive was later stolen and is head of the program, yelled at them and made them apologize. Again, nothing. They worked a bit better that day, but still, its a struggle to get them to do their work. Friday, Roberto stole the kitchen timer Kristen and I use to keep time for the "Read Naturally Program" we had to pull teeth to implement. We asked the boys where it was and they both denied having it. A minute later, Alex gave up Roberto. Kristen and I had to take him to Madre Cindy (the disciplinary). She told him he couldnt come back to school until she talked to his parents. Meanwhile his parents were there that week before this happened to talk about his general attitude. Such a pisspot. I'm not sure where the problem stands now, but I'll keep you posted.

So Tuesday, after I talked to Marco Polo, I had religion class. Admittedly, I was pretty hot from the situation and kind of took it out on the girls. Karma proves a bitch though, and on my way down the stairs after class with 8 bibles in my hands, I fell down 4 stairs. Some of the boys I see at baths helped me up and didn't even laugh at me. They must have seen I was having a day. I wear my heart on my sleeve (or face) what can I say...

After that, I had adult ed. Sometimes I feel like Mike (the retired philosophy professor who helps us) expects me to run the show of 26 adults even though my spanish is the worst of the 4 other volunteers who help run the class. So I was trying to explain to this woman who came in late that she needed to talk to the Madres regarding her lateness for the 4th day in the row. She couldn't understand a word I was saying because shes catcheuan (spelling completely wrong!), so she doesnt speak spanish, let alone my spanish. She gave me this blank stare and I just burst in tears. I got a hold of myself a few minutes later, but for anyone who knows me, I'm not an emotional person and it takes a lot to make me cry. I think the last time I cried was when I left DC for real. Before that, when my uncle died. So it was embarassing for me. Mike was so nice about it. He told me that if I didn't get upset now and then about the work I'm doing with the people I'm doing it for, something was wrong with me. He then laughed and turn my tears into a broken smile. The show must go on.

So that was my week, more or less. I've been drinking freshly squeezed oj, honey, and a bit of cinnamon (hot) every night for salud (health), and it seems to be working. I'm always a bit sniffily anyway, but considering there were like 6 volunteers down this week with flu and I, queen of getting sick, did not, it must be working. It's also delicious and you should try it!

In general, I think this was the first week I really started to understand what I was doing, what I was giving up (missing my friends and family and cozy life!), how frustrating language barriers and cultural barriers are, how to work with people without preaching at them or putting myself above them, and how sometimes, no matter what you do, you can only change people who want to be changed. Lessons are just starting to seep in, but starting nonetheless.

I feel like this was a debbie downer blog, but I'm feeling good again. Much to do today-need to come up with some ideas for the play my religion class is doing (it's going to be about Papa Noel at the Beach regarding the 6th beatitude)--Their ideas, minus the beatitude, but it should be interesting. I'm going to record it, so I will definitely post it on the blog or on my facebook.

Also, a thousand apologies if this is not well organized or thought out: I downloaded the new Jake Owen CD (took me like 4 hours lol) and I'm listening to a little country lovin.

Missing everyone back home. I also sent out about 40 cards home to be mailed in the states, so if I had your address  I probably mailed you one. here's my address for any surprise snail mail (i'd love it!!)

Centro del Muchacho Trabajador
Julia Sellers
Apartado 17-01-3112
Quito, Ecuador
South America

much love, jams